


self loathing [venting]

by HardenedClay



Category: N/A - Fandom
Genre: Other, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 11:28:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29932746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HardenedClay/pseuds/HardenedClay
Summary: !!!please read with caution!!!i had a very big meltdown 3-4 nights ago. i got annoyed by my fluctuating wifi, and it slowly just descended into different things like my frustration from school, my recent insecurities, and other stuff. no one would try and message me and try to talk to me while i was having the tantrum which made me feel worse, and i had about 3-4 waves of explosive anger come over me while everything was happening.i wanted to write this out because it's been bothering me so much. i feel scared and sick whenever i remember of that night. i had never felt so much self hatred in my entire life than in that very moment, and it scares me that it could happen again.i just hope i get a bit better.
Relationships: n/a
Comments: 6
Kudos: 2





	self loathing [venting]

**Author's Note:**

> !!!please read with caution!!!
> 
> i had a very big meltdown 3-4 nights ago. i got annoyed by my fluctuating wifi, and it slowly just descended into different things like my frustration from school, my recent insecurities, and other stuff. no one would try and message me and try to talk to me while i was having the tantrum which made me feel worse, and i had about 3-4 waves of explosive anger come over me while everything was happening.
> 
> i wanted to write this out because it's been bothering me so much. i feel scared and sick whenever i remember of that night. i had never felt so much self hatred in my entire life than in that very moment, and it scares me that it could happen again. 
> 
> i just hope i get a bit better.

hyperventilating.

thrashing around.

squirming around.

legs becoming weak, i collapse on the floor.

i'm snapped out of my manic episode.

i'm calm. you're calm. i stay there in place, feeling my wooden floor, hearing the fan, looking at the glistening of the floor.

i know where i am, i know what was happening to me. i shift my legs and sit there for a few seconds. my knees hurt, my palms sting.

i stand up, tears had momentarily stopped.

my head hurts, i feel sick.

"nobody gives a shit, nobody cares about whatever you do, gray."

next thing i knew, i'm back to the meltdown, to the tantrum. another wave of explosive anger.

i start crying again. as if someone flicked a switch for me.

i stand up, stomping around, screaming. "nobody cares about you gray, you're just being overly dramatic, gray." i shout.

"you're fucking disgusting, you're so fucking gross, just stop. just stop, stop." suddenly, i'm begging and pleading.

i stop moving around, and now i'm standing in the middle of my messy room.

"i'm tired of this. i'm tired, please, i'm tired. just stop." i mumble to myself while i hung my head low, tears endlessly falling.

i'm tired of self loathing.


End file.
